ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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