I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
