why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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