seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
