my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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