so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
