Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
