I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
God, I missed his penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
