Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
