i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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