i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
