Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
