I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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