i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
