I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
