ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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