Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
