I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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