I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I deserve this hangover.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
