I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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