My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
