How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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