i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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