I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
