I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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