my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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