I just cut my nipple shaving
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
