out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
