I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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