May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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