forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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