Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
