Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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