Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
