im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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