i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
