Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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