How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
