So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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