i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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