Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
