the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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