Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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