from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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