Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
