You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
