Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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