Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
