fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
how drunk are you?
Several
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
