I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What drink are we having for lunch?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
