I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
