I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
