Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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