Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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